Learn 7 Unique Secrets to Meeting Men In Your League

 Do you know single women in the NY or NJ or CT area? Rachel the author of Have Him at Hello: Confessions from 1,000 Guys About What Makes Them Fall in Love . . . Or Never Call Back will be speaking at The 92nd Street Y on Sunday night, October 24, 7:00pm. Her seminar "Successful Single Woman's Dating Plan" will share the 7 best and unique secrets to meeting men in your league. Buy tickets fast HERE as this event always sells out (tickets are only $29), or if you don't live in the tri-state area, please forward this link to your friends there (it's a fun Girls Night Out!). And if you meet Rachel in person that night, she might just have someone wonderful to fix you up with later.

Breaking Up Can Be Fun

GET OVER HIM IN 30 DAYS

Bad breakup? You're in good company! Women everywhere know that those first days after the end of a relationship can be the hardest. The Frisky 30-Day Breakup Guide takes the focus off your ex and puts it back on you.

Each day offers fun activites to help you move on, including:

• Going on an exciting road trip (Day 5)
• Buying a sexy new dress (Day 8)
• Planning a fabulous, girls-only party (Day 15)
• Donating your time to a worthy cause (Day 21)

Plus advice and wisdom from celebrities like Audrina Patridge, Colbie Caillat and Vivica A. Fox. Hey, this is your sexy, vibrant, exciting life. So go ahead: get back to the real, fabulous you!

Help Your Single Dad Get Back In The Dating Game

My father was a single dad.  I wonder if he had theses services , would he have remarried.There are more than 3 million single dads in this country.  I am not sure how many women, but I am sure its a lot.
Here are some great alternatives to match.com

Virtual dating assistant: Now your dad can delegate his internet dating efforts to a seasoned on-line dating pro at www.virtualdatingassistant.com. A "ghost writer" at this company will know exactly how to attract the right woman's attention and they promise at least two dates a month. ($600)

A new "unplugged" dating service with promise: Imagine a business card but for dating. With this membership your dad can reach out to someone he is interested in by giving them his new "social card." If the feeling is mutual, his love interest can log onto www.greenlightcard.com and type in Dad's membership number from the card to get in touch. Nobody is put on the spot ... but a connection is made. ($100)

The Fix Up Show. If you live close to New York City or your dad is planning a trip there soon - he can meet his new date on Broadway and be part of the show. Celebrity guests help real singles get fixed-up on a date live on stage for what promises to be a very memorable evening. www.thefixupshow.com ($15)

iPhone dating App: Would you believe there's a new location-based iPhone application that spots would-be daters who are in the same area as your dad at the same time? It's true. It's like a radar screen where they can zero in on each other's exact location and meet up for what might turn into his next big romance. www.urbansignals.com (Free)

So get your cupid's arrow ready and let your father know that you love him and want to help him find companionship. Whatever your price range, there's no better time than Father's Day to give him a little nudge and encourage him to get back in the game.

Cougar Myths That Drive Me Crazy

Linda Franklin, founder of therealcougarwoman.com, and best selling author
of
Don't Ever Call Me Ma'am: The Real Cougar Woman Handbook

Cougars are getting a bum rap - but you don't need me to tell you that. The
media is having a field day portraying women over 40 as predators with only
one thing on their minds - prowling for "Grade A" choice beef. Of course,
this cartoon characterization was undoubtedly conceived by some immature
male in the midst of a juicy, X-rated fantasy - but too many people are
buying into the hype and believing it's true.

There are so many myths circulating about cougars, and there is nothing I
enjoy more than debunking them. Haven't we worked too hard and busted
through too many glass ceilings to sit quietly by? In my opinion, we need to
flaunt our achievements. It's time to show that we won't be relegated to the
category of man-hungry, sex-starved females on the attack.

Let's show the world who we really are and what's important to us.

Here are my Top 5 Cougar Myths:

1. Cougars are on the prowl. That's ridiculous. In fact, it's the younger
men that are actually doing the chasing.  We are busy with our careers,
family and friends. Prowling simply isn't on our agenda.

2. Cougars don't want lasting relationships. Show me a woman who doesn't
want to be truly loved - it's in our genetic makeup. All of us want the
right partner to share our lives with, regardless of age.

3. Cougar are Sugar Mamas. We've worked hard for our money and we are not
ready to squander it on the first kid with washboard abs that asks us out We
understand the importance of being financially independent, and we want the
man in our life to have that same commitment.

4. Cougars are sex-starved cradle robbers. It's time to let go of the Mrs.
Robinson stereotype.  We love sex but we are very careful about who we allow
into our beds. We have the benefit of past experience and watch out for the
red warning flags that signal trouble.

5. Cougars are a passing fad. Older women and younger men have always been
attracted to each other and that's not stopping anytime soon. But the image
of what's right for woman is changing - and it's about time! We are starting
to kick the old double standard right in the butt.

I invite you to add your favorites below to this list of cougar myths. We
have a very strong voice and it's time to let the world know how fabulous we
really
are.

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10 Tips For Strong, Happy Marriages

The dreams or memories of your big wedding day are new and bright. When you close your eyes, you can smell the roses, feel the silk and taffeta, and see the flash of the camera. But all the work of planning and investing in a successful wedding day is far less important than planning your lifelong marriage.

I’ve spent the last two years studying research about marriage and interviewing couples who have experienced some incredible highs and some devastating lows in marriage—and came out on top. I’ll share with you 10 tips to help you protect and build a strong marriage.

1. In today’s fast-paced, two-career families, traditional roles may not apply in your home. However, it’s important to continue to value your masculinity and femininity. He needs to be respected and treated as your hero; she needs to be romanced and to feel loved. Understanding the Five Love Languages can help you convey love in a way your partner can truly appreciate.

2. Spend less money than you earn. Save for emergencies. Debt will eat away at your marriage. Enough said.

3. Believe in each other. Lift each other up. Be on your spouse’s side. Encourage their dreams. Be the one your spouse can’t wait to come home to. Create a vision for your relationship for five, ten, fifteen years down the road.

4. Give your spouse five positive comments for every one negative. This 5:1 ratio has been proven in successful relationships. Frequent nagging or bickering will tear down your relationship and will probably cause him to withdraw. If you can’t find something nice to say about your spouse, he or she will probably start listening to others who offer praise or attention.

5. In our culture, individualism and freedom are paramount, but when you chose marriage you chose a different route—a route of companionship and caring, of sacrifice and loving. There will be days when you feel you are giving more than you are getting. That’s OK. On that same day, your spouse may feel like he is giving more than he is getting. Keep giving. Keep loving. That’s agape love. By focusing on your own happiness, you miss out on the chance for deeper love and deeper joy.

In his book, Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart , one of the nation’s most prominent pro-marriage counselors, describes today’s “consumer marriage” in which spouses are constantly focused on “what’s in it for me” as the root cause of most marital failures. He explains how this mentality can eventually cause you to work yourselves into a divorce, even when the issue isn’t a deal-breaker.

6. Learn to better listen to one another.

7. Don’t let your arguments get out of hand. Create boundaries for fighting fair.

8. Make time for sex. There will be times when passion does not rule the day. Pregnancies, careers, exhaustion, illness, job loss, hormonal issues, children—these can stand in the way of lovemaking. Sharing the intimacy of sex protects the marriage in many ways and communicates love. Happier couples have more sex.

9. Be careful with social media to ensure temptation doesn’t divide your relationship.

10. Remember your promise. Life will not be perfect with your spouse. Every relationship has strengths and weaknesses, and some problems will never be fully resolved. Focus on the positive and not the negative. Have fun. Laugh. Celebrate even small successes. Surround yourself with great influences and good role models.

Sign up at www.LifeGems4Marriage.com to receive biweekly tips to enhance your relationship. Lori Lowe has been happily married to her real-life hero for nearly 15 years. They live in Indianapolis with their two children, a crazy cat and two aquatic frogs.

 

Are You Seeking Pleasure, Happiness or Joy?

What do you want most for your children or even yourself? Really think about it for a minute… (Are you thinking?) I’ve heard a lot of parents say what they really want more than anything is for their children to be happy. To that response, I ask, really? Is the pursuit of personal happiness really the best and highest calling for your child (or yourself, for that matter)? What are you seeking for yourself—pleasure, happiness, maybe joy? What do these even mean?

Of course I don’t want my children to be unhappy, but to be honest, sometimes a little unhappiness is necessary for them to understand a lesson and to grow as people. The same goes for me, unfortunately. I don’t think we should expect to be happy all the time. Stress, illness and death are part of life. Work and sacrifice can be good qualities, but aren’t particularly pleasant. If we teach our children to pursue only happiness, why would they want to help others when it is inconvenient? Why would they strive to impact the world in a positive fashion? That just takes their focus off of their goal of happiness.

I’ve spent two years interviewing happy couples who have overcome significant obstacles from accidents and illness to infertility or separation for military service. Interestingly, the happiest couples I have interviewed have been the ones who are truly seeking to make their spouse happy before themselves. It’s a cycle and a process that continues to reward each of them.

Pleasure is often a good thing—enjoying the scent of the flowering trees as you drive by, tasting the grilled salmon that you craved for dinner, touching your spouse or children lovingly, hearing the sound of the birds outside your kitchen window. Opening our senses to feel and truly experience pleasure is wonderful.

Pleasure can also be very self-serving. A popular web site (whose name I won’t promote) calls itself “the world’s premier discreet dating service” and has a trademarked tag line: “Life is short. Have an affair.” They promise, “Join free, and change your life today. Guaranteed!” Yes, your life will be changed, but not for the better. Their invitation to “Sleep with someone else’s wife tonight,” may entice those whose ultimate goal is personal pleasure. But will these exclusive members experience happiness or joy?

In Surprised by Joy, C.S. Lewis, describes joy as a “technical term that must be sharply distinguished from both Happiness and Pleasure.” He says, “The only thing Joy has in common with the others is that anyone who has experienced it will want it again.” Where Joy differs, he continues, is that anyone who has tasted joy would never exchange it for all the pleasures in the world. “But then Joy is never in our power and Pleasure often is.” Yes, there’s the rub, joy we have to wait for, and pleasure (and even happiness to some extent) we can go in search of.

Joy, I think, is a much deeper satisfaction, bliss, the opposite of misery and regret, a connection to the divine. It’s not really within our power, but I think it can result from a multitude of right choices, even of self-sacrifice and love for others. It seems sort of counter-intuitive that by not prioritizing your own pleasure, you can achieve a deeper enjoyment, but I think it’s true. That’s not to say pleasure can’t still be a part of your life, but there are higher priorities.

In your marriage, in your financial decisions, in how you raise and instruct your children, what do you think is most important for them to learn? Where do you hope to lead your spouse and family, and what example will you show? I wish you Joy.

Lori Lowe provides research-based insights on marriage at www.LifeGems4Marriage.com. She is also writing a narrative nonfiction book profiling married couples who were changed for the better after overcoming adversity. Lori finds joy in Indianapolis with her husband of almost 15 years, two energetic kids, one crazy cat and two aquatic frogs.

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Valentine's Day Book: Where Can I Find Mr. Right?

I OOOh, intriguing!" my friend Beth said at the Superbowl party last night. "So let me ask you this: where can I find Mr. Right?" I had just finished telling Beth that my new dating book "Have Him At Hello" is coming out in 4 weeks. My book is the culmination of a 10-year dating research project where I interviewed 1,000 single men. And as I talk about the book at parties this month, Beth's query "Where can I find Mr. Right?" is the number one question I get -- probably because leading up to Valentine's Day, love is actually NOT in the air for a lot of fabulous singles. As a dating coach, and a matchmaker who's responsible for 762 marriages, it's not that I mind being asked that question. In fact, it's a million-dollar question, right? And it's not that I don't have a good answer. It's just that everyone is asking me the wrong question!

If you ask someone "where" something (or someone) is, you're implying there's a physical place to find it. Where are my socks? In the laundry machine. Where is the library? Over there on Main Street. Where are all the great single guys? Ummm, sorry, the GPS can't locate them because once they're out of college, they don't hang out on campus, the good ones aren't standing in bars, and your friend's dinner party is for couples. No wonder you get a lot of blank stares when you ask, "Where can I find Mr. Right?"

But what if you asked a different question? By changing just one word and asking "HOW can I find Mr. Right?", suddenly everyone's got an answer. Granted, not everyone's got a goodanswer, but now you're sparking some dialog instead of silence and shrugged shoulders. Turns out "how" versus "where" is a subtle but significant difference! "How do I find Mr. Right?" says: "let's get creative" and "help me find solutions." It implies there's a strategy you're looking for, not just pondering "where's Waldo?" "How" is a deceptively empowering word: it's a "presumptive close," as we say in business (i.e. "This is going to happen, now all we need to do is figure out how.")

Some answers you'll get from asking friends how to find your mate will be trite: join an online dating site or take a wine-tasting class. Sure, those ideas can work, but you've probably tried the standard fare so I won't bore you with that. But if you ask me the right question in time for Valentine's Day, here are 4 new ideas for HOW you can find Mr. (or Ms.) Right:

1. Using Facebook: Finding great guys is all about networking through your friends, so scroll through the friend's lists of your friends on Facebook and play "I Spy A Cute Guy." If you spy someone intriguing, ask your mutual friend if he's single (or check his relationship status if his profile isn't private) and ask to be introduced. But be smart: in order to "Have Him at Hello" on Facebook, as I discuss in my new book, you have to post a fantastic profile there. Pay attention to your photos, status updates, and groups you join to ensure they reflect you at your best.
2. Tweeting: Send a tweet Friday afternoon that you're meeting friends at your favorite pub or café, and say you're looking forward to anyone joining you for a spontaneous happy hour. Tell your "followers" to bring their friends. You're bound to meet new people, and even if they're not single, they might know someone to fix you up with later.
3. Through Meetup.com: Meetup groups are a social way to connect with people in your town around mutual interests. If you go to http://www.meetup.com/ and search something like "Singles in Detroit who love books" or "Singles in New York who love to travel," you'll find dozens of like-minded singles groups.
4. Teaching your own man-class: Contact your local adult education center and offer to teach a seminar geared toward men. Identify something you can do that men typically can't, and watch guys sign up in droves. One of my dating coaching clients created a class called "Bachelors: Learn How to Cook 10-minutes Meals." She wasn't a great chef herself, but collected 5 super-simple recipes and soon had 25 single men sitting in her class. She reported that three men asked her out after class, and two of them were really cute!

The takeaway here if you're single on Valentines Day? It's not that there's a shortage of good men or women. You've just been asking the wrong question.