Sunday, February 15, 2009

April Braswell's Reveals 7 Top Dating After Divorce Tips

1. GO SLOW!
Take it easy with yourself. Try some coffee with others. A lunch date, some very casual get-togethers. Do NOT go out on a Saturday night or a Friday night date to gegin with. Those are like PROM night. There is so much pressure at the beginning. You haven't been on a date in years. You will first need to rebuild your dating skill set before venturing out on a Friday or Saturday night date. Please go slowly with yourself and build up some reventuring social skills.

2. BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF!
Give yourself time and space to ease back into this. Go simple and easy for your first several dates. Yes DO dress up nicely and look your best, just remember this is not the Opening Night Gala at the San Francisco Opera. So you don't have to dress up to THAT extent. Nor should you be wearing just your jeans, t shirt and Merrels. Something in between. Dressing up and looking your best is part of the practice which you are practicing feeling comfortable doing. Don't stint yourself. Look fabulous. You will FEEL fabulous when you do so.

3. DO DATE LOTS!
OK, when you fall off of a horse, what do they recommend you do? Get right back on. Same thing with dating. When you are looking to learn a new skill, what is one of the most effective learning methodologies? Repetition of fundamentals. Do you just through the ball one time and think you are now good at football? Or do you throw, and throw, and throw, and throw, and THROW! Yes. Precisely. You PRACTICE. Same principle in dating. Go on a LOT of first dates when you first get back in the game. You are simply looking to meet some lovely people and to practice feeling comfortable confident and poised meeting and making small talk with strangers.

4. KEEP IT BRIEF!
Early dates when you are relaunching yourself socially are like Date0 for folks who are meeting from Online Dating. So with those early relaunch dates? Keep them to about 60-90 minutes. Drinks. Appetizers. Coffee. And if it MUST be coffee, just be sure to select a really FABULOUS ambiance like The Four Seasons or Trump Tower. LOVELY.

5. SIZE MATTERS!
Early on in your relaunch mode, you need to aim for QUANTITY of DATES over QUALITY of DATES. You need to go on about 20 dates just to get back in the swing of things with the current Dating World and practice your social poise and presentation. If your date asks you, "What are you looking for?" you might respond with something like, "I enjoy meeting new people and getting to know them. I want to be in a relationship again, but it's too early for me to decide quite yet. I'm looking to meet new people and see where it goes."
6. AVOID DATE NIGHT!
Avoid the TRADITIONAL DATE NIGHTS of Saturday and Friday nights to begin with. Go out on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or Sunday night date. I do recommend evening dates for other reasons for a FIRST DATE to create and foster a romantic and flirtatious ambiance. Flirtation is part of your practice regime. So, evening dates for early dates.

7. GO!
Yes, you MUST relaunch yourself. Indeed, give yourself some time to grieve and heal after your divorce, but I would recommend that within 12-24 months after a divorce, BY THEN, you need to venture back out into the Dating World and GO ON DATES.

1 comment:

Asian Women said...

No need to say that these are excellent tips.
Very true ! Nothing is more enjoyable than flirting and nothing helps you connect to another person quicker than being playful. Be polite and delightful, show some liveliness. Keep it light and joyful, not deep and serious. Keep your mind in the moment and not on the long term objective of falling in love.